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I got a membership card at a car wash.
Because the little girl washing the car would use her thumb to turn a couple of extra times at the spot where I held the steering wheel.
I said, "Your technique is pretty professional."
She said, "Bro, your palms sweat easily, and this area can't be cleaned thoroughly. If you hold it, it will slip."
Later, I went to wash my car twice a week.
My friend asked me, "Is your car that dirty?"
I said, "It doesn't matter if it's dirty or not; what's important is that there’s still someone in this world who remembers that my palms sweat easily."

Contemporary Young People's "Money-Saving Tips"
My mom asked me: "Your salary isn't low, where does all the money go?"
I opened my phone to show her:
Bubble tea: -25 yuan (saved 5 yuan coupon, a huge win)
Takeout: -40 yuan (saved 8 yuan with discounts, totally worth it)
Taxi: -30 yuan (taking two subway transfers, this money should be spent)
Snatched a T-shirt in the live broadcast room: original price 399, current price 99:
-99 yuan (saved 300, basically free)

My graduate advisor is 60 years old, and his hair is still jet-black and thick. We asked him for his maintenance secret, and he said: I never worry about anything. The things of the research group are handled by my students. The things at home are handled by my wife. My only task is to stay alive. I said: Does that count as being a “hands-off manager”? He said: That’s called “scientific birth control.” Worrying makes you lose hair; not worrying means you don’t. Hair and worries—you can only keep one. That was the first time I knew what it means to be “heartless and carefree.”

A new female personal trainer at the gym is very enthusiastic.
While guiding me on the bench press, she kept her hand lightly supporting the barbell.
I said, "You don't have to be so nervous, I can lift it."
She smiled and said, "It's not that I'm afraid you can't lift it, but that you'll be exhausted at the last moment, and the barbell will fall."
Our faces were too close when it might happen.
I was stunned for a second, then I managed to push 15 reps in that set.
Usually, I can only do 8.
Turns out, men's potential can be stimulated like this.

When I was young, I watched *First Blood* and thought that Stallone—the kind of man who was covered in injuries, yet said nothing—was a tough guy. Later, I watched *Wolf Warrior* and thought that Leng Feng—the kind of man who couldn’t be killed and could still turn the tables—was a tough guy.
Until one time, I went with a buddy to get a wisdom tooth pulled. He was in so much pain that his face went completely pale—so much so that when he gripped the armrests of the chair, he actually clenched until water (from his sweat/grip) seemed to come out, yet he didn’t utter a single sound.
After we

Tell a foolproof logic: "Do you think money can buy happiness?" "Yes." "Are you happy?" "No, because I don't have money." — This logic is foolproof.

Just overheard a conversation at the next table in the coffee shop:
A: "I've been learning Python recently, planning to switch to a programmer."
B: "So, how proficient do you want to get?"
A: "Like in movies, just type a few keys and make a building explode."
After a three-second silence, B said: "What you need isn't a programming class, it's a recommendation for someone who sells explosives."
— People outside our industry all think we're doing magic. ✨

My older cousin is going on a blind date and met a guy with pretty good conditions, owns a house and a car.
They've been dating for three months and are preparing to get engaged.
My cousin asked him, "Are your parents easy to get along with?"
The guy said, "I don't have parents; they passed away long ago."
My cousin believed him.
On the day of the engagement, my cousin went to his house and found that his parents were alive and well, busy in the kitchen.
My cousin asked him, "Didn't you say your parents are dead?"
The guy said, "I didn't want you to think I'm a mama's boy."

A relative's daughter in her thirties finally got engaged, and the whole family was happy.
A few days ago, they suddenly said the wedding was canceled.
I inquired about the reason:
The boy went to the girl's house for the first time to have a meal,
During the meal, an elderly man trembled as he came out from the inner room,
His hands shaking so much he couldn't hold the bowl.
The girl frowned: "Who let him come out?"
Her mother quickly pushed the elderly man into the kitchen and handed him a cold steamed bun.
The boy asked who he was, and the girl said: "My dad, with dementia."

Once, a friend was doing an essential-oil back massage, and a 30-year-old female therapist told me: “I think you’re a little lacking in kidney qi. The kidney-deficiency marks on your back are very obvious. I’ll use an essential oil that warms the kidneys for you and give you a good massage.” At that time, the friend was only 20 years old. That was the first time the friend knew that he was lacking in kidney qi.
And then, on another occasion—again doing an essential-oil back massage—a woman in her late twenties had just had her clothes taken off.

My younger cousin scored over 600 points in the college entrance exam, and the whole family was happy.
She signed up for computer science, saying it would be easy to find a good job in the future.
Her dad said no, what kind of computer science for a girl, learn accounting.
She said accounting is hard to find a job in.
Her dad said accounting is easy to find, which company doesn't need an accountant?
She said she disagreed and came to me to settle the argument.
I said your dad is right, accounting indeed has good job prospects.
Her dad was proud.

A female colleague stayed late working overtime, and only the two of us remained in the office.
She stretched and said she was so tired, her neck was sore.
I told her to go home and rest earlier.
She asked, "Can you give me a massage?"
I said I couldn't.
She said, "Then help me massage it, just my neck."
I walked over, placing my hand on her neck, and she closed her eyes.
I pressed twice, and she said, "Your hand is so cold."
I said, "It's natural."
She said, "Then rub it to warm up before pressing."

Delivered an order of spicy hot pot, with a note saying "No spicy."
When I delivered it, the customer opened it and said, "Why is it spicy?"
I looked at the order slip and saw it was correct; the restaurant made a mistake.
I said I would help him with a refund.
He said no need, just buy him a bottle of cola to relieve the spiciness.
I went downstairs and bought one for three yuan.
He gave me five yuan, saying no change needed.
When I went downstairs, I realized that the two yuan was in-game currency.

A woman takes her cat to the vet, and the doctor says, "Your cat is pregnant."
The woman says, "Impossible, it has never gone outside."
The doctor says, "Then maybe your window wasn't closed."
The woman says, "I live on the 18th floor."
The doctor says, "Then maybe a male cat climbed up."
The woman says, "How can it climb on the 18th floor?"
The doctor says, "Then maybe you have another cat at home."
The woman says, "Just this one."

In the hospital waiting room, a big brother keeps looking at his watch.
I ask him if he's in a hurry?
He says, "My appointment is at 10 o'clock, and it's now 11:30, and it's still not my turn."
I say, doctors are busy, please understand.
He says, "I understand, but what I don't understand is—
Last week I had an appointment, the doctor saw me for five minutes and then told me to go.
Today for a follow-up, I waited two hours, and it will probably be five minutes again."
I ask, then why are you still coming?

My grandfather passed away, and I went to the funeral home to handle the procedures.
The staff recommended the "VIP farewell hall," saying that spending an extra 800 yuan could give us half an hour more.
I said no need, the regular hall is fine.
Her face immediately fell, and she whispered, "So stingy even with your own grandfather."
I heard her and said, "My grandfather hated extravagance and wastefulness the most when he was alive."
She said, "That was when he was alive. Now that he's dead, you're doing it for the living."

The old man calls his three sons: "I'm about to die, and the inheritance is five million. Whoever is the most filial will get it."
The eldest son says: "Dad, I'm with you in the hospital."
The second son says: "Dad, I’ve hired the best doctor for you."
The third son says: "Dad, give me the five million, and I’ll arrange a grand funeral for you."
The old man says: "I haven't died yet."
The third son says: "Then hurry up, I need the money quickly."