Being stuck in these positions has really messed me up. For several days in a row, I haven’t even been in the mood to stream as usual. First, I hid out in Jeju Island for a few days to clear my head, then wandered around Dali for over ten days, and now I’ve been in Dubai for almost a week—it’s basically been a whole month wasted just like that.

Honestly, this has been the most demoralizing month of my entire trading career. In the past, even if I got liquidated, I could bounce back in just two or three days and get right back in the game. Now, it’s completely different. Not only am I out of sync with trading, but I’ve also stopped working out entirely. The craziest part is that I’ve actually learned to kill time by playing mahjong—something I never even touched before.

I’m really just falling apart.